I have a lot of homeschool musings, but this is one I feel really strongly about:
Our time matters.
More specifically…
Your time matters.
You can listen to this blog post here:
I’m going to go on my soapbox for a bit here, but stick with me. I think most of you will whole-heartedly agree and need the affirmation, and others just plain need to hear the brutal truth I feel compelled to say.
Plus, I’m going to give you 5 thoughts or reasons to protect your time. So, please, hear me out.
Too often, moms are flippant about their time. Way. Too. Often.
We don’t mean to be, but we are quick to give our time away to others as our personal sacrifice for the greater good. We take that time for granted and we don’t see the harm in giving it away; it’s as though any time spent on others’ needs or desires is time well-spent.
But, is it?
Our seconds, minutes, and even hours are thrown around on a whim to whatever presents itself, without us questioning whether those “needs and wants” are really important to our most important purpose. In fact, we often feel guilty if we don’t give away our time freely. We act as though time is an infinite resource that we will always have more of, so why be stingy?
It’s true. We feel stingy if we don’t give our time generously.
Yes. Time will keep coming. You will keep getting more seconds, and minutes, and hours (God willing). But, you won’t ever get any spent time back. Your savings account of minutes has a finite, unknown balance; and the balance is constantly depleted with or without our permission. You can’t make any deposits, or halt the withdrawals.
All you can do is take those automatic withdrawals and make the most of them. Most of us are incredibly deliberate with our money – we count it, balance it, budget it, save it, and take every purchase into serious consideration.
Your minutes are no less valuable than your pennies – perhaps they are even more valuable. Do you spend those minutes with the same level of deliberation, forethought, and sense of value as you spend your pennies?
If you want to be great at this mommying and teaching thing, you don’t have the option of being flippant about your time anymore. From this day forward, please realize its value.
The 18th Minimalist Homeschooling Mindset Hack in the book is:
Guard your time for those things that are most deserving or they will not get the time that they deserve.
Somebody had to say it.
Ok. The lecture is over. I’m not telling you anything new. We are acutely aware of our mortality, and the preciousness of time.
So, why, oh why, are we so quick to give it away?
And why do we feel so guilty about protecting it?
Here are five points to consider the next time you are creating space in your schedule or want to be more deliberate with your minutes.
>I also think you would like to read about Why I Don’t Have to Worry About Self-Care
1. We are entrusted with our time.
There are a few things in life that are entrusted to us, and we feel the weight of that responsibility – money, children, partners, belongings, other people, etc. We have a deep-seated desire to what is right for each of those things, knowing that is has an impact on ourselves, and others. We take a certain amount of ownership of these things, understanding that we are one of the few precious guardians for them.
Our time falls into this same category. You are the only guardian of your time. It impacts those around you. Your time has been entrusted to you in order that you may do what is right with it.
2. Nobody else has your job.
The time you devote to unimportant tasks is time you are taking away from your most important tasks. In the case of homeschooling, nobody else is raising or teaching your children in the time you are with them. You. are. it.
If your time is scattered on all the could-do’s, would-do’s and should-do’s that happen to present themselves (of which there is a potentially infinite number), you are being careless with the one thing that is most valuable to your child’s development and education: your attention, your dedication… in short, your time.
Let me put this another way: there are a lot of other people who could do those could-do’s, should-do’s and would-do’s that accumulate throughout the day. Conversely, there are NOT a lot of people who are working with your children. This isn’t about YOUR time any more. This is about the time that your important jobs are depending on. Nobody else will fulfill your purpose on this earth. The time you spend away from your purpose is time when nobody is fulfilling that purpose.
Next time you are purging your calendar and to-do’s, ask yourself if there is someone else who could do that task? Typically, our time is best spent on those things that relatively few other people could do, or would do with the same devotion.
3. Other people will not value your time for you.
This is a harsh reality. Most people fall into the trap of giving away time on a whim, and as a result, believe that others should be “generous” with their time, as well. You may get guilt trips, justifications, or a cold-shoulder. Some people analyze and judge your time for you, suggesting how you can squeeze in their thing. I know. I have been in this situation plenty of times. It is downright difficult to tell some people “No.”
The next time you’re struggling to break the news that you can’t spare the time to someone who doesn’t agree, understand that this a values thing. By that, I mean that they don’t value time the same way that you do. If you knew someone who was financially irresponsible, and who encouraged you to spend your money frivolously, how would that conversation go? If you knew someone who acted immorally and tried to make you feel bad about making different decisions, would you actually feel bad about adhering to your values?
Ideally, we are spending our time in alignment with our values – in our homeschool, our time is in alignment with our homeschool values; in our family, that time is in alignment with our family values, and so forth. Therefore, if somebody doesn’t agree with how you spend your time, it is simply because they don’t share your values. Don’t overthink it! You have your values, they have theirs, and sometimes those values are different. Period.
If someone doesn’t agree with your values, it does not make them any less valuable, or justified.
4. Say “No” now, so you don’t disappoint later.
Too many people say “Yes,” out of a sense of obligation, not motivation. As a result, when it comes time to follow through with their commitment, it is very easy to come up with an excuse not to do it, or barely do it. Why? Because they didn’t value the commitment to begin with!
We have all been on the receiving end of someone who said “Yes,” but then finds an excuse to bail last minute. It wasn’t cool. To avoid being “that person,” commit to the things that you are committed to; make sure you are motivated to follow through for some reason other than obligation or an inability to say “No.” People deserve others to value the commitments they have made to them – it’s a matter of common courtesy.
This comes back to focusing on your priorities, too. If you are agreeing to do things that you don’t prioritize, you are less likely to show up for them. You want to be the person who is awesome at what they do, rather than the one who may or may not show up to do all the things. Right?
In short, be thankful when someone is honest enough to say “No,” upfront and spare you the disappointment later of not showing up. And, respect others enough to say “No,” to things that you don’t value.
5. Think of your daughter.
When I began raising a daughter, I became acutely aware of how I was disrespecting myself, and undermining my value purely by being careless with my time. I realized the error of my unhealthy sense of obligation when I thought about my daughter living the way I was living. If I wanted better for her, it meant that I wasn’t treating myself well enough, and that I was setting a poor example.
Would I want my daughter running around crazy, stressed, and too busy to enjoy life?
Do I want her to feel the same sense of obligation? That her worth depends on what she does for others, or what she accomplishes with her time?
No. Almost every woman I have met undervalues herself, and her time. I can distinctly pick-out those who don’t. I know exactly which direction I would like my daughters to tend toward, and that means breaking the habits I learned from my own mother. It is HARD to break those habits. But, it’s my job to teach her how positive service looks, and how valuable her time and actions really are… and how valuable she is, regardless of how much she accomplishes in a day.
Your value is not dependent on how much you accomplish, or how often you say “yes.”
“It is not how much we do, but how much love is in what we do.”
-Saint Theresa of Calcutta
Need more inspiration?
I love the “Boundaries” set of books by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. If you haven’t read any of them yet, put it on your list. These books make it clear exactly where healthy, positive, Christian service becomes an unhealthy sense of obligation. If you struggle with saying “No,” buy one of these books NOW. They are life-changing. I often re-read my copy. In fact, I highly recommend them for everyone, because we all need to guard our time and energy for what is most important. There are several Boudaries books for different situations
What are your homeschool musings this week? How do you guard your time? Do any of these 5 points resonate with you? I’d love to hear what inspires you to keep your schedule simple. Please comment below.
We have a group of supportive homeschoolers on facebook who aim to keep things simple despite the cultural pressure to say “Yes.” Won’t you join us?
If you’d like more specific information about how to craft a homeschool schedule that works for your family, the book Minimalist Homeschooling is a step-by-step guide to do just that. Not only will you be encouraged to guard your homeschooling time, but you will get worksheets and insight into creating a values-based Minimalist Homeschool from top to bottom.
In fact, this post is part of the Minimalist Homeschooling Mindset Series in which I talk in more detail about each of the mindset hacks from the book. You can check-out all of my homeschool musings for more inspiration to simplify, focus, and love your homeschool!
Wishing you all of the simple things,
Zara
