30 Ways to Keep the Home Happy

Living together can be tough.  I love my family to the ends of the earth, but the fact is, I am an introvert in a home full of extroverts, which can be exhausting.  My husband and I are very busy, so it’s like we’re tag-teaming the kids most of the time – passing the baton as we rush in and out of doors… He’s got 2 for baseball, I’ll throw one down for a nap…

Sometimes it’s really hard to live harmoniously.  It’s easy to blame stress for short-tempers, and lack of sleep for impatience.   But at the end of the day, we’re the grown-ups, and we have to be strong.  Being strong means making the right choices even when it’s hard, by the way.

So, I decided to compile a list of things that each person in our family does to keep the harmony.  Ultimately, we make a decision to love.

There’s a book about Love Languages.  It’s pretty popular.  If you haven’t read it, I’ll briefly summarize just for the purposes of this post. The 5 basic ways of expressing love are: acts of service, kind words, gifts, quality time, and affectionate touch.  Within each category, there are an almost infinite number of ways to express love.  The author suggests that every person prefers to give (and receive) love in one or two of the categories.  I would argue that while it’s true that some acts of love resonate more with certain people, the best thing you can do is hit as many of the love languages as possible.  Mix it up.

Sometimes I ask my kids: What was the nicest thing you did for your sister today?  And now I ask you the same question: What is the nicest thing you did for your home today?

I’ve broken it down into things that make each of us feel more at peace at home.

Me

My husband comes home and asks: What can I do to help?  This wasn’t always the case.  I actually told him that’s what I would like him to do, and he happily has done it ever since.  Kindly stating what you’d like or need is helpful.  Stop expecting someone to read your mind, and then being disappointed when they fall short of your private expectations.  On the flip side, if your spouse has the self awareness to know what they need, and calmly state it (or even angrily yell it), be thankful!  It’s like being given the answers for the test.  Take it.  Use it.   It’s not cheating, it’s a freebie.  Then tell them you got it so they can stop yelling.

My husband will put the laundry in the washer into the dryer without me asking him.  This can be applied to a lot of things.  He does things that he knows I will do if he doesn’t.  This skill takes some time to hone.  First you have to practice noticing.  Then you have to realize that what is important is what the *other* person thinks is important.  My husband would wear dirty clothes for weeks.  He doesn’t care about laundry.  He knows I do.  You can substitute any number of items for “laundry,” like dishes, messes, baby’s dirty diaper…

My husband lets me sleep in as often as possible.  He wants to reduce the obstacles to happiness.  Is your spouse getting enough sleep?  What about stress levels?  How can you help remove the irritants?

On the weekends, or holidays, or vacations, he asks: How do you see today going?  Again, this hasn’t always been the case.  I have had to point out, repeatedly that I have ideas of things I’d like to do.  My husband is a go! Go! Go! Type.  It took a long time of me getting swept away in his impulsivity and being resentful about it before we came to this point.

He brings me flowers.  My love languages (if you can’t tell) are acts of service and quality time.  BUT, when he brings me flowers, even though he knows I think they’re impractical, it makes me feel like he’s going a little further.  He’s going beyond my needs to do something frivolous, just because.  He’s not lazy, sticking with the same old routine.  He’s thinking of me all the time – even at the grocery store.  What kind thing could you do that you don’t do very often?

My kids get quiet time.

I embrace what is important to me.

My kids do whatever they can to help.

My husband makes a point to sit and talk with me.

We date.

I tell my kids what they should say instead.  I give them a do-over.

We suggest nice things our kids can do for each other.